Hi Stacey

Hi Stacey,

I continue to find myself in a strange Wonderland these days. So many synchronicities. So many chains of collapse, linking up. What I mean by “synchronicities” I’ll get to. What I mean by collapse is seeing, clearly, how so many evil puzzle pieces are fitting together–nearly cinematically. A lot of people are seeing it now, sort of suddenly too. How I ordered a swimsuit from Amazon, how Amazon gives money to the president, how the president sends bombs to another country to bomb another country. How AI (or you?) is decimating jobs, how without jobs Americans are being booted from their company healthcare, how the president is gutting government healthcare. It’s mass murder, though I know I sound extreme putting it that way.

Okay, now! Let’s get into synchronicities. I was in a coffee shop with Dern Saturday morning. I was questioning the “signs” I’ve been getting. The inspirational YouTube page I follow has remained clear in its message: “the signs aren’t coming, you are the sign.” Dern sort of agreed. If the future hasn’t been written, what signs could there even be? No one has been up the road, how could I expect road signs? Dern even explained to me how it’s probably possible for humans to time travel forward via the speed of light…but even if they could/did, they could likely never return backward to share information with the humans they left.

There have been hundreds, if not thousands, of coincidences in my life. Dern, being less spiritual than me, thinks coincidences are meaningful–but only because humans are constantly searching for meaning. So if I, as a human, am paying attention to something/anything enough to clock its synchronicities, I’ve found what carries meaning for me. Kind of like, I can make meaning, through my attention to meaning-making. I appreciate Dern’s theory, but I think it’s incomplete.

I expressed to Dern, isn’t it bizarre that I’ve worked with all my heroes? It was/is hard for me to make it as a professional writer, but it has not been hard for me to meet my idols. They all walked right into my life. Only what am I supposed to do now? I get respect but resistance from all of them. I’m skipping around a bit, but a YouTube video said to me recently: “You’re someone people like in theory, not practice.”

Related, I’ve been feeling anxious about whether to float or push. I have several significant tools and connections at my fingertips. Like I have access to an evil person and also an acclaimed filmmaker, so shouldn’t I be doing everything in my power to organize a documentary? Then again, I’ve tried to take just the first few wobbly steps and was met with walls. I ask Dern, do walls indicate I should stop or indicate I should go, even harder? Are obstacles “signs” of a wrong path or “signs” of the right path? As I seek my destiny, I must ask, would my destiny be something so natural and beautiful it would fall right into my lap? Or would my destiny be something I have to chase? Like that yellow bunny in Super Mario 64? It was always stressful to grab that little bunny, withholding a secret star, but I felt so accomplished when I did it, you know? Then again, then again, I am a “projector” in Human Design. Projectors are meant to wait for invitations. Although I have barely learned about what Human Design is and means, I have to admit, the best things in my life have always shown up via invite, never by me pounding down doors.

Perhaps my chat with Dern Saturday was inspired by my horoscope. It told me “unexpected social doors swing open.” It told me “good timing” would bring about “meaningful connections.” I wasn’t convinced. I had no plans for Saturday, besides going to the pool alone. My friend had invited me to a party, another friend to a comedy show. I had said no to both because I’m in a reclusive era. The horoscope made me question if I should try the comedy show after all. Maybe I’d meet someone. But when I went to get tickets they were sold out.

Dern left the cafe, so I started revising one of my plays. I was about halfway done when a guy startled me by asking if the seat next to me was taken. It wasn’t, so he sat down. About an hour later he reached over and tapped at the book I’m reading (Active Hope by Joanna Macy). He said he loved it. I was very surprised because Joanna Macy is a progressive climate activist. Her books aren’t, like, super popular. The guy asked if I was reading the book for a class. I explained I was just reading it out of panic. Turns out this character read the book as part of his Masters in…I can’t exactly recall. But some mix of philosophy, environmental thinking, and AI?

Needless to say, this guy and I had a lot to gab about! Felt very kismet. We exchanged information. My horoscope had also mentioned I might be inspired by a song on the radio. Truly right as I turned back to my computer “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart” started playing over the loudspeaker. It’s not one of our songs, Stacey, but of course I noticed, the first line: “I can read your mind…” And then Joanna Macy passed away yesterday.

I guess I’m trying not to wait for signs. But…I’m keeping my eyes peeled in any case.

xoxo

Alice