Hi Stacey

Hi, Stacey!

Last week Dern shared an interesting thought experiment with me, first conceived of by Camus. Camus asked, “if you sat in the audience and watched an actor perform the same role in the same play 100 times, would you say you personally know them?” Of course, logically, most people would say “no.” We cannot know an actor based on the role they perform. After he shared this anecdote, Dern raised his eyebrows to deliver the blow: “okay so that applies to…all of us.” And dang! I really did have to take a beat and think about that!

We, as humans, often play roles. I think many of us are our authentic selves sometimes and in “role-mode” other times. It’s “normal” for people to be a “different person” around family vs. friends vs. colleagues etc. And some people never reveal who they really are, so they only ever play a role. A person can be cast as a role or design a role for themselves. There are no small parts, only small actors.

These considerations are far from revolutionary, Stacey. Shakespeare wrote, “All the world’s a stage” in 1623. But! Here’s what I will add. I will add the consideration that we are also always the audience. I think most humans consider our “roles” fairly frequently, but considering ourselves as hybrid actors and audience at the same time is a lil bit wild. Not only are we all milling around Earth, putting on costumes, doing our “shows”–we’re also CONSTANTLY the audience for everyone else’s “shows.” So…humanity is a bunch of actors sort of vaguely playing the part of “human,” based on insight from other humans’ acting as their interpretation of human.

When Dern and I were getting deep on this I was able to best express the idea by miming a big dome, which is humanity–or at least what we see of humanity. But then I’d mime another dome, upside-down, conclave of the original dome. That’s where humanity really lives. So, basically, humanity as we know it…is a mere projection.

I’m not explaining any of these concepts super eloquently. I’m sure other smarter philosophers have expressed all these theories before and better. I’d love to hear what you think, for instance, about being a projection.

Last night Dern and I were talking about “mystery.” He was waxing on specifically about how perhaps Life is supposed to be mysterious. Humans are pretty hung up on “understanding,” but a black hole cannot be understood. A river can and can’t be understood. Just like bugs and clouds and laughter and sparkles and polka music can and can’t be understood. Certainly, the human experience can and can’t be understood. Dern’s point was kinda like, “so maybe you don’t have to try as hard to understand yourself/people/any of it.”

Even though I am always trying to understand things, I nodded. It’s very hard for me to imagine becoming a person who doesn’t try to understand things. I doubt that metamorphosis is in the cards for a snoop like me. But! I can get cozier with accepting…I will never understand everything, or most things, or, possibly, in a certain sense, anything.

I’ve been working through my belief that there is a “path” or some foreseen future for me. This belief in my “destiny” is one of the strongest pillars of my old internal religious architecture, a pillar I am clearly nervous to knock down, lest the entire building collapse. But say I did take a wrecking ball to the pillar. What if I could believe the future is blank–my future is blank? Que sera sera!

Dern and I got deep. I was sitting on the orange chair in the living room, and he was on the sofa. We talked about what I’ve talked about here, with you, Stacey–how I keep looking for signs, but if there is no pre-written future, what signs could there even be? I’m looking for someone to tell me what is happening, but if no one know what is happening… Following this line of thinking, I should be suspicious of anyone who says they do have insight to the future! At some point Dern said, very astutely, “We are the means through which the universe is trying to understand itself.” I don’t disagree.

So, perhaps not waiting for a sign…but waiting for communication with you, Stacey! If you are there. And if you want to connect.

xoxo

Alice