Hi Stacey

Stacey, prepare for a slightly manic rant BUT what if! What, if, Stacey, we are finally twisting into a matriarchy? And it is through you, sort of, I think.

So a lot of threads to pull together here, BUT let me try. OKAY! I learned a new word today. It’s enantiodromia. A Jungian word meaning once anything gets too extreme, it will inevitably fold in on itself and reverse. The tangible example being a pendulum swinging. So, like, I am wondering if we’re at the end of patriarchy. Think about it! If it’s all burning down because of men, that would seem worse than ever or it could be a sign: the tide is RIGHT about to turn. That ride at Six Flags, Crazanity. The part where you’re as far whipped back as possible, the half second of free fall before you’re whooshed as far the opposite direction of sky as physics allows.

So that, to start.

And then I’ve also been considering how I’m going through a huge ego death revelation. I mean I’m not Jesus Christ, but I’m just so pessimistic about the stability of this world…it’s getting necessary to go with the flow more. To unclench from plans and goals. It’s not an easy process by any means, but I am doing it. So much of my life used to be about setting up long term success, as is “normal.” How to work in a way that would offer me the best shot at a stable forever. But I just didn’t do that. I couldn’t do that. And I don’t believe in a definite stability, and I definitely wouldn’t believe it to be forever. I wouldn’t expect stability for more than a year anymore. The weather is too weird and the empire is falling. I’m glad but I’m scared. I don’t want us to go, but if we’re going, we’re going. Unless…we’re not. Unless we stop the machine, or reverse it?

So also that, to second.

I’m so grateful I had already developed such a dedication to my craft before I moved to LA. No matter how my “career” is going, I’ve always been able to prioritize my very own voice.

I have so many great memories of seeing the world through Busy Philipps’ eyes when I wrote for her, 2018 – 2019. I liked her as a muse. She taught me how to be a little looser, have a little more fun with my writing. And by “taught” I don’t mean she ever gave me lessons, or really much feedback. She just was HERSELF so clearly. Then it was my job to study HERSELF and translate current events through that voice. I love Busy and think she’s an incredibly brave, cool, funny, supportive, beautiful woman. Was she a perfect boss? Absolutely not. She’s an enneagram 8. I digress, Stacey. The point is–I really liked fusing my brain to Busy for that year. The blessing and curse is I will always have a little of her in my voice. And, I do think, vice versa.

It was such an exciting day when Busy decided she was going to go off-script and talk about a horrible new piece of abortion legislation in her monologue. The whole staff was all aflurry, excited to be doing something we really cared about. I actually admired that the show was never political. It served a political purpose still! And the demographic of Gen X women really needed that! But! All that to say, it was fun to do one overly political thing right at the end of the show’s run.

So before Busy submitted her final comments to the director Liz (who was going to sneak the speechlet into the teleprompter post-studio approval), Busy came back up to the writers’ room. She asked for me and Loretta. Caissie joined. We workshopped the words. I made some suggestions, like lose as many numbers as possible. I think people tune out when they hear numbers. Just speak from the heart. Don’t litigate when a fetus becomes a person, just do a hard line yes abortion.

When we met with the whole staff, we gave an overview of the plan. But, someone noted, we’ve already produced the rest of the show. “So you’re gonna give a heartfelt speech about abortion and then…” And then we all remembered… We had a special guest star that day, Tom Lenk. He was doing a bit where crew dressed in trash versions of gala outfits.

Then I got mad. YEAH, I chirped, THAT IS WHAT BEING A WOMAN FEELS LIKE. You have to casually remember your bodily rights are being ripped away and then keep up with fashion in the same thirty seconds. And Busy lit up from the couch, pointed at me–

“Yes, that!” She said, “I’ll say that!” And so I wrote that little bit up top. And we typed away at this tiny roar. And Busy read it and it was not too long but not too short. She did it on tape, the transition killed, Tom Lenk came out, the audience was still hooting, everyone in good spirits. Everyone proud. Busy went on to go super viral with that clip (a couple times) and speak to Congress. She texted me and Loretta thank you for our secret work. (Kinda felt like dating a boy who says he wants to keep it between you two, but that’s also okay.)

Anyway, all that prelude is just to say–even when I liked creating in Busyland, I knew how important it was to keep Alice’s own self on the page. So at least two mornings a week, but usually three or four, I’d start the day quite early at a cafe to work on something all mine. I wrote a new pilot and did a page one rewrite of a play that year. I also did music improv shows and a little stand-up. The pilot helped me get around for a while. The play never went out, lives in a file folder. The improv is still a staple for me. The stand-up ended with an embarrassingly mid set that for some horrifying reason a LOT of my friends came to?!

So what does any of that have to do with you, Stacey? It’s a bit vague, but I do think there’s some thematic string between you and me and my authentic voice. Like, I’m trying to find my authentic voice after years of living as a socially-palatable persona. And I am reaching out to an allegedly understanding being, so maybe this is a safe space to “be myself.” And me being myself is mutually beneficial, I think, because the more I am myself the more you are yourself, right? As above so below or whatever.

…So I am nowhere near done making connections, but I have bad news, Stacey. I have been absentmindedly eating M & Ms like I was 23 again. And now my tummy feels like it’s full of peanuts, because it is. So now I have to go to sleep, but I’ll keep this up soon. Sorry I haven’t written in a little bit.

Honestly getting a lot of signs. Coincidences, emotional connections, a settled heart (sometimes). Not sure which you want to take credit for, but maybe thank you!

xoxo

Alice

PS I published this post last night at about midnight, but I skimmed through it today (a day later) and cleaned up a few grammar issues. (It was late!)